It is almost as if life is on pause at the moment, just waiting for someone to gently push that play button. Or, to use a less machinistic image, it is like we are holding our breath. We know the day and moment will come to exhale, but just are not sure exactly when in the next few days of our life that will happen. But that next breath will change everything ... so we are told, and so I realize in my head and to some degree in my heart.
A baby is almost here. Well, she is here, isn't she? But there is a next stage, another level, a deeper connection to be made. I wonder what difference it would make if this was our second child. I sense there would be a different kind of thrill and excitement. There is almost a sense of exploration to come, a new land to enter. And we are paused on the threshold with anticipation. Most of the thoughts are positive, but occasionally there creeps in the anxious fearful images and imaginings. But, there is also a resignation that certain things are beyond my control; no matter how desperately I may want to ensure that mother and child breeze through the Moment with the greatest ease.
It is at this moment that faith in a good and sovereign Father God does make a concrete difference. Sure, there may be questions about the mystery of suffering, and raging against the enigma of God's ways being higher than my ways. And our Father God does have His own, His own ... well, put it this way: He gets to decide what is right. And that would be deeply troubling if He wasn't and isn't good to the core of His being. Goodness, that makes the difference. And, I hope, even when trials and tribulations do hit ... this will make all the difference.
So, what do I wonder the most? Honestly, at the moment I wonder when it will all happen. When the Moment will arrive. It is hard to think beyond this. It is like holding one's breath, one can only think about the moment one takes the next breath ... not necessarily what will happen after that. So, here is to the arrival of the Moment and that first next breath.
