I had this thought even before Princess Lexi was born ... it was more an image than a thought. And it was and is pretty morbid. It came to me, if i recall correctly, late at night while struggling to get to sleep which is when most of my darker thoughts rise to the surface. Anyway, the image was of a baby's life. She is born, and then? What does this life have in store for her? Along the way she is bound to suffer, she will lose, she will grieve, she will get old, and she will die. Told you it was morbid. But if that is all that awaits her, then why bring a child into this world? There must be something more ... some purpose, some vibrancy, some Beauty. We sense this, we know this in our gut. And I am convinced this is true, that Lexi can live a life of purpose, of vibrancy and of Beauty. A life of significance, for what she does in this life - to quote Maximus from 'Gladiator' - can and does echo for eternity.
And beyond a life of significance, this here - this life - is a life of Beauty. Yes, sometimes it is more the silver lining sort ... but Beauty is always there. Most often in relationships. And it is there because God is Beauty, the source of all Beauty, and we as image bearers of God are able to appreciate this Beauty. And I hope and pray that Alexi will be a Beauty Appreciator!
To go to another fount of wisdom: Oprah was interviewing Matthew McConnaghy (sp?) the other day, and apparently his mother used to say to him when he got out of bed in a grumpy mood and came through to the kitchen, 'Get back into bed until you are ready to see the roses in the vase and not the dust on the table!' If God is Beauty - which I earnestly believe He is - then there are always roses in the vase. And then Alexi's life is not about simply being born and then growing old and losing and grieving and mourning. No, it is about purpose, and vibrancy, and Beauty. And so is my life. The little tyke is teaching me grand lessons already!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Sunrises
Sunrises come with the little princess, don't they? Sitting here listening to her sleep - yes, the occasional snort means i can listen to her sleep - while those morning birds start their songs, sky goes grey, and a new dawn arrives. i am unlikely to actually see the sun rise, that privilege goes to those who get out of the house ... but i am experiencing the dawn. have a feeling i will be experiencing more dawns in the next few weeks that i have in my whole life.
Princess Alexi is now - let me count it out - almost 5 days old .not even a week yet ... but more than half her first week, if that makes any sense. she is doing well, so it seems. we are still reading the signs to figure out what 'well' looks and sounds and smells like in her world, but here are some things she enjoys:
- I have no doubt that a recent defecation, with accompanying percussive sound effects and appropriate facial contortions, gave her a great deal of satisfaction. Oh to just be able to let go in public!
- I have unearthed a secret ... we have a play mat which has lights and sounds and things hanging - she likes this play mat. she likes staring at the lights. i like her staring at the lights, cos it means she isn't fussing, or crying, and is also increasingly attentive.
- she likes being talked to - not at. doubt she will like being talked at. But one way of soothing her down is to talk and talk and talk. i was rambling on to her as i held her and walked around in the nursery y'day, unaware that the sound monitor was on and vesi was listening in from another room. thankfully, i didn't say anything incriminating, and i think both the ladies in my life found my drivel amusing!
- she has also discovered that she can use a hand to push her pacifier (dummy for my south african readers) back into her mouth when it is just dangling out. i am sure, thinks her proud dad, that no child ever born has ever been able to do that at such a young age.
- Princess Lexi has also realized that she likes sleeping a bit more (see below). a bit more than monday, that is, and we shall see what wednesday brings. but at least on tuesday, vesi and i had more moments where she was just snugly asleep. we actually got to have a bit of dinner together.
If you have made it this far, you must really love our family! Feel free to leave comments and messages. Maybe, one day in the not too distant future!, I will be able to show Princes Alexi these random thoughts and the responses from loved friends around the world.
Princess Alexi is now - let me count it out - almost 5 days old .not even a week yet ... but more than half her first week, if that makes any sense. she is doing well, so it seems. we are still reading the signs to figure out what 'well' looks and sounds and smells like in her world, but here are some things she enjoys:
- I have no doubt that a recent defecation, with accompanying percussive sound effects and appropriate facial contortions, gave her a great deal of satisfaction. Oh to just be able to let go in public!
- I have unearthed a secret ... we have a play mat which has lights and sounds and things hanging - she likes this play mat. she likes staring at the lights. i like her staring at the lights, cos it means she isn't fussing, or crying, and is also increasingly attentive.
- she likes being talked to - not at. doubt she will like being talked at. But one way of soothing her down is to talk and talk and talk. i was rambling on to her as i held her and walked around in the nursery y'day, unaware that the sound monitor was on and vesi was listening in from another room. thankfully, i didn't say anything incriminating, and i think both the ladies in my life found my drivel amusing!
- she has also discovered that she can use a hand to push her pacifier (dummy for my south african readers) back into her mouth when it is just dangling out. i am sure, thinks her proud dad, that no child ever born has ever been able to do that at such a young age.
- Princess Lexi has also realized that she likes sleeping a bit more (see below). a bit more than monday, that is, and we shall see what wednesday brings. but at least on tuesday, vesi and i had more moments where she was just snugly asleep. we actually got to have a bit of dinner together.
If you have made it this far, you must really love our family! Feel free to leave comments and messages. Maybe, one day in the not too distant future!, I will be able to show Princes Alexi these random thoughts and the responses from loved friends around the world.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
A Long Day
Yesterday, Monday 5th June, was the first 24 hour day with Lexi (or some such version) home. 24 long hours, and rich hours, and sweet hours, and tiring hours, and confusing hours, and hours with lots of apologies for words said wrong, and hours of shushes, and hours of wonderings. It was a long day, as you can tell. And just the first. Wouldn't have it any other way.
This is a real journey. Real in the sense that it is tough, but real also because it is so rewarding. To have Lexi get her first hiccups ... if it wasn't 3 am after lots of feeding, lots of crying, and her not sleeping, i would have been chuckling! i did glow when she was sleeping on my hairy tummy (note: not chest, that is bushy!) and raised her head to put her arm underneath, then the head came back down. just sleeping, rising with my breath, twitching every now and again, long eyelashes peacefully together.
She hasn't all been peacefully together, and nor shall she be. But isn't that what a real journey is all about? And does that not make the peace-full moments, the glimpses of contentment and cutishness and special moments all the richer?
One thing is for sure ... she may have my nose - so they say - and Vesi's mouth. My toes, too, i think. But she is Alexandra Grace Valentina Cooke ... she is uniquely and wonderful all herself - fearfully and wonderfully made by a master Artist, a maestro Sculptor.
And something else to note: i am very thankful for the French Open Tennis at this time!! Comes on at 6am (ESPN 2) and runs through till early afternoon. A fine source of distraction and entertainment with just a hint of escape.
In the end, a picture that sums it up:
This is a real journey. Real in the sense that it is tough, but real also because it is so rewarding. To have Lexi get her first hiccups ... if it wasn't 3 am after lots of feeding, lots of crying, and her not sleeping, i would have been chuckling! i did glow when she was sleeping on my hairy tummy (note: not chest, that is bushy!) and raised her head to put her arm underneath, then the head came back down. just sleeping, rising with my breath, twitching every now and again, long eyelashes peacefully together.
She hasn't all been peacefully together, and nor shall she be. But isn't that what a real journey is all about? And does that not make the peace-full moments, the glimpses of contentment and cutishness and special moments all the richer?
One thing is for sure ... she may have my nose - so they say - and Vesi's mouth. My toes, too, i think. But she is Alexandra Grace Valentina Cooke ... she is uniquely and wonderful all herself - fearfully and wonderfully made by a master Artist, a maestro Sculptor.
And something else to note: i am very thankful for the French Open Tennis at this time!! Comes on at 6am (ESPN 2) and runs through till early afternoon. A fine source of distraction and entertainment with just a hint of escape.
In the end, a picture that sums it up:
Friday, June 02, 2006
The Moment
I should be asleep, but part of me knows that if this doesn't get written tonight it may pass me by. The moment has come, she is alive and sleeping next to her mom. Using words to describe this profound experience is hardly fitting, but the only option really. You run the risk of distancing yourself from those who do not have children, and being cliched for those who do.
But, in the end, this is not about impressing people ... but about remembering the moment. This moment came with its fair share of struggles and a rush of life and joy and flooding emotions. Some images that stand out from this day, the first birthday of our first child, who ushers in the next generation of Cooke's!:
The bravery of my dear wife. She is a stronger person than I, more resolved and determined.
The immediate joy of being in the presence of our daughter, and to be there together.
Alexandra's first bath, she just loves having her hair washed! Screamed l
ike a banshee till she got deeper and brighter red ... but quitened down when her hair was washed. Who would have thought?
When she gripped my finger for the first time, moments after she was born ... i don't know who was holding on to who tighter!
The fragility of a 5 hour old baby ... so young, so tender, so precarious ... and so full of life at the same time.
She was crying, not happy, and I picked her up, put her in the crook of my arm ... and she shushed down and rested with me. Twice this happened, a most beautiful thing. Remember this, oh Bruce, when nought will shush her down.
Mother and child, asleep in two separate rooms, with their heads cocked at exactly the same angle. A most poignant, masterful moment.
That first, tar black, dirty diaper ... mmm, one to store away in the memory banks.
Having friends around, knowing we are loved; yet also being far from immediate family. Texting, calling, and emails are gifts ... but bittersweet ones at that.
She has just turned 12 hours old as I write this blog. 12 hours, it feels like a year of emotions and experiences hurled together. Alexandra Grace Valentina Cooke. She is, God willing, sleeping by her mother's side, with her angel standing guard. A gift from our Father, and ultimately, i hope and pray, a daughter of our Father and a blessing to many. Grant us, grace, Father. And strength!
But, in the end, this is not about impressing people ... but about remembering the moment. This moment came with its fair share of struggles and a rush of life and joy and flooding emotions. Some images that stand out from this day, the first birthday of our first child, who ushers in the next generation of Cooke's!:
The bravery of my dear wife. She is a stronger person than I, more resolved and determined.
The immediate joy of being in the presence of our daughter, and to be there together.
Alexandra's first bath, she just loves having her hair washed! Screamed l
ike a banshee till she got deeper and brighter red ... but quitened down when her hair was washed. Who would have thought?When she gripped my finger for the first time, moments after she was born ... i don't know who was holding on to who tighter!
The fragility of a 5 hour old baby ... so young, so tender, so precarious ... and so full of life at the same time.
She was crying, not happy, and I picked her up, put her in the crook of my arm ... and she shushed down and rested with me. Twice this happened, a most beautiful thing. Remember this, oh Bruce, when nought will shush her down.
Mother and child, asleep in two separate rooms, with their heads cocked at exactly the same angle. A most poignant, masterful moment.
That first, tar black, dirty diaper ... mmm, one to store away in the memory banks.
Having friends around, knowing we are loved; yet also being far from immediate family. Texting, calling, and emails are gifts ... but bittersweet ones at that.
She has just turned 12 hours old as I write this blog. 12 hours, it feels like a year of emotions and experiences hurled together. Alexandra Grace Valentina Cooke. She is, God willing, sleeping by her mother's side, with her angel standing guard. A gift from our Father, and ultimately, i hope and pray, a daughter of our Father and a blessing to many. Grant us, grace, Father. And strength!
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